Ladies, learn to stop being emotionally codependent on your female friends.

Time to publish what all the good, reliable homegirls are afraid to tell those emotionally clingy and energetically draining friends.

Women have to learn emotional independence.

There, I said it. I love us, but sometimes, girl to girl friendships can be annoying and it’s time a lot of women start taking accountability for their emotional health.

I’m in full agreement of this - not because we’re meant to be lone wolves or hyper-independent robots, but because life will always have seasons where the phone doesn’t ring, the group chat is silent, and the people you usually lean on are busy saving their own lives.

And yes, your friends do have their own lives.

Friendships are beautiful, necessary, sacred. But they aren’t guaranteed. They aren’t always going to be there, the same exact way, at every single stage of your life. They ebb and flow. People move, grow, get pregnant, get married, get divorced, spiral, fall in love, fall apart, get overwhelmed, get sick, disappear for reasons that have nothing to do with you.

The hard truth a lot of us need to hear is that if you only feel steady when someone else is holding you up, you’ll forever be at the mercy of their availability in your life. Isn’t that such a flimsy way to live?

Emotional independence isn’t isolation; it’s self-trust. It’s the ability to self-soothe, self-reflect, self-anchor. It’s knowing how to return to yourself before you reach for anyone else.

Women need that skill more than anyone because we’re socialized to be communal, to over-share, to outsource our comfort, to bond through venting, and to heal through conversation. This is a huge reason why we’re always “out” - we burn out, we crash out, we give out. And while there’s beauty in that, there’s also danger.

The danger is forgetting that your emotional home is you, not the friend who picks up the phone.

So sorry for all of your friends who haven’t “been there for you” lately. I’ll apologize for them because maybe a lot of you aren’t ready to accept this truth. Guess what - life happens. How are you being there for them? When was the last time you’ve asked yourself that for any of your friends?

And if they’re just distancing themselves and not choosing you - well, what a great opportunity to choose yourself and move on with your life.

The truth is: friends won’t always be there. And they shouldn’t have to be. People don’t owe you companionship unless they are in a literal contractual agreement with you!

But you will always be with you.
So build a self that you feel safe returning to.

Stop waiting for the phone to ring or the text ping. Stop letting life pass you by just because you’re waiting on others - and, I’m sorry to say this, but grow up and learn to be emotionally resilient and independent.